


#theycantstopusboth

by junietuesday25



Series: QLFC Entries [9]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alien Remus Lupin, Alternate Universe - Area 51 Raid, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ambiguous Relationships, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Gen, M/M, Naruto Runner Sirius Black, idc whether or not you interpret it as wolfstar, yeah i did that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:29:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22394035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junietuesday25/pseuds/junietuesday25
Summary: Sirius is still high on the exhilaration when he first hears the voice.“Sirius…”
Relationships: Sirius Black & Remus Lupin
Series: QLFC Entries [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1616734
Kudos: 6





	#theycantstopusboth

**Author's Note:**

> **Original A/N:**  
>  For the Quidditch League. take this stupid au  
> Disclaimers:  
> \- I don’t own Harry Potter.  
> \- I know nothing about what the inside of Area 51 looks like or works so all that comes from my imagination  
> Team: Puddlemere United  
> Position: Keeper  
> Position Prompt: The High Priestess — Upright: Intuitive, Unconscious, Inner Voice  
> Word Count (Minus A/N): 1309  
> Beta’d By: [falling winter roses](https://www.fanfiction.net/u/7687731), [ginnys01](https://www.fanfiction.net/u/4938720/)  
>  **A/N 1/24/20:**  
>  hello guys and welcome to this au that ngl i kinda wanna expand someday. i mean there is POTENTIAL here i'm serious ~~sirius~~

Sirius is still high on the exhilaration when he first hears the voice.

_“Sirius…”_

At first he just thinks it’s nothing—only his brain making up things. But then the voice comes again:

_“Sirius!”_

Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy fucking _shit_!

So he only showed up for the hell of it, right? Like, it wasn’t that long of a drive to Nevada, so why not? He, James, and Peter were all supposed to be part of the Area 51 raid, actually, but James and Peter ditched at the last second—James because Lily put her foot down told him that it was “idiotic” to actually go and that he’d probably get “killed” and “shot down by the military”, and Peter…well, Peter just chickened out. Sirius wasn’t about to ditch because his friends did, so he came here and took a place among the Naruto runners. And now, what the fuck, they actually made it in.

And now he has the sneaking suspicion that there’s an alien in his brain.

 _“Not in your brain, stupid,”_ the voice says, jolting Sirius out of his thoughts. In a way—because it’s still words in his head, just not his own. _“I’m using telepathy.”_

“Wait, you speak English?”

_“A lot of time trapped in a lab with English-speaking scientists gives you ample time to learn the language.”_

Sirius had no clue that he’d actually be freeing an alien. He only showed up for the meme!

 _“Good for you,”_ the voice says. _“Now get me out of here! I’m planting my location in your brain—just follow your instincts and you’ll find me on your own.”_

Sirius feels for whatever instincts the voice is telling him about, and comes up with nothing.

_“You can’t think about it, idiot, you have to just let it happen.”_

“Well, I’m sorry!” Sirius says, not sorry at all, “but I’ve never had an alien give me subconscious instructions on how to save it before!”

_“I’ve never given subconscious instructions on how to save me to a human, so suck it up.”_

“Ouch, okay.”

Sirius starts running, and makes random turns that feel less-than-random. Oh. _This_ must be what the alien meant.

_“Call me Remus.”_

“What, is that ‘the closest English approximation’ to your name?”

_“No, I just like the way it sounds.”_

“Fair enough.”

A few more twists and turns, and Sirius comes across a scientist, who’s armed with a microscope. Sirius takes a few steps back.

“Hey,” he says, and his tone slides from bright to seductive. Look, he doesn’t know what to do! He’s just doing the first thing that comes to mind, which happens to be being flirty.

“I’m a lesbian,” the scientist says, raising the microscope like it’s a gun. “With a girlfriend. Somehow,” she adds under her breath.

Shit, _that_ was a fail.

 _What do I do?_ he asks Remus, who is hopefully still there.

_“Um. Run?”_

_Thanks for the great advice._

Sirius makes a break for it, dodging the microscope thrown at him and sprinting down the hallway, turning wherever the hell his body wants him to.

 _“She’s gone,”_ Remus tells him a few forks in the hall later, and Sirius skids to a stop, panting. _“Better make it quick, though, another scientist might find you—they’re dealing with the runners outside as far as I can hear, but you don’t have that much time.”_

“Am I close to your chamber or whatever?” Sirius says.

A pause. And then Remus says, _“Yeah, almost there. Just take another...left?”_

“Did you just forget that I can’t see you and try to nod?”

_“Shut up and free me already.”_

“That wasn’t a no!” Sirius sings, but starts down the hall again, taking the left and seeing—

About a _million_ doorways. Sirius stops, staring at the hallway lined with doors.

“Which one?” he asks.

_“I’m about a meter from you and on the left. Once you get in, I’ll show you what button to press to let me out of my chamber. Don’t worry, the room I’m in is empty.”_

Sirius uses his memories of using meter sticks as swords and fencing with James in middle school to guesstimate the distance. He turns and opens the door.

_“Wait—”_

A group of scientists is standing inside, crowded around an operating table—some vaguely humanoid blue thing is on it, seemingly passed out but thankfully untouched. The scientists look up in unison when Sirius walks in the room, and slowly lift up surgical blades.

_I thought you said your room was empty!_

_“Um. I might have…mixed up my left and your left? Look, we don’t tell directions like that in my culture!”_

_Well, fuck!_

_“Just make a run for it!”_ Remus hisses. _“My room’s right across the hall and it locks from the inside, not even the scientists can get in as long as you don’t unlock it.”_

Sirius nods minutely, then bolts, running across to Remus’s room and slamming the heavy metal door shut, turning the lock he spots and pushing a nearby chair in front of it for good measure.

Once he’s sure it’s secure, Sirius turns around.

A grey-skinned alien floats in a tube filled with some viscous liquid radiating sickly green light, eyes closed. A computer is on the desk next to it, a Microsoft Excel spreadsheet open on the screen filled with color-coded cells.

 _“That’s me,”_ Remus says, almost...ashamed? _“Shut up, Sirius, now there should be buttons on the side of my tube. Two of them: red and green. Press the green one, because that drains the liquid and opens up a panel on the front of the tube—the red one will instakill me, so obviously don’t push that one.”_

“Right, okay,” Sirius says. He slowly goes up to the tube, sudden fear striking him. 

He’s talking to an alien. He’s releasing it from Area 51, or at least he will if he clicks the right button. Just yesterday his life was completely normal—Marlene’s birthday was yesterday, actually, and their entire friend group went to a gay bar to celebrate; Marlene managed to score this really hot girl and ended up dancing with her all night. Sirius was planning on unwinding at home with a good Netflix series and a party-sized bag of Doritos after he got home from the Area 51 raid, because after almost twelve hours straight of action a guy deserves a break, but now—now he’s going to (probably) be bringing an alien home.

 _“What are you waiting for?”_ Remus says, snapping Sirius out of his thoughts, and he hopes Remus wasn’t reading his mind during his inner monologue. _“You see the green button?”_

“Yeah.”

There’s a small, steel black panel screwed to the base of the tube, red and green plastic buttons on it making the panel look like it has eyes. Sirius hesitates over the green button.

“You’re sure this is the right one?”

_“Positive. I’ve read the scientists’ minds. Now push it.”_

“Ahh, push it real good!”

Then Sirius presses the button.

Immediately, there’s a hissing sound, and then the liquid level lowers and lowers. When it drains past Remus’s head, his eyes snap open, and they’re a brilliant amber. Remus starts wiggling his limbs once they’re freed too, and he stumbles as he steps out of the tube when a pane of glass swings open in the front.

“I’m free,” Remus says out loud, almost in awe. Then again, “I’m free!”

Sirius laughs at his childlike delight. “Hell yeah you are! Now come on, let’s get out of here. You can walk, right?”

“I think so,” Remus says. He has this strange, almost otherworldly accent, but freaking duh. “But wait, aren’t the scientists still outside?”

“Ha ha…probably?”

“Great.”

“Don’t worry,” says Sirius. “I’ll make sure you get home. I swear it.”

Remus...smiles. It makes him look so much more friendly. But there’s also an undercurrent of gratitude there. “Thanks.”

Sirius grins back. “No problemo.”


End file.
